What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
