i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
