I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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