i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
