Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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