ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
