I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
