I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
