Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
