Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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