Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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