I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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