Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
