that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
