wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
