I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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