cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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