I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
