I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
even my farts smell like vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
