you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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