I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
