I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
