My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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