I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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