Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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