i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
