Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
