My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
