just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
