she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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