my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize