i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
