My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
