Where is the hickey?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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