girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
