Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
