I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
