I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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