My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
