So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
