I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
