I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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