Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
