I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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