don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
