Duck Duck Cougar?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
