I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
