Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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