man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
