i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
