I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
