You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
