Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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