you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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