i permit you to call me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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