he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
