How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize