Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
