Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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