He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
