Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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