he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
