i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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