I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
