how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
