How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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