Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
