I want to have your abortion
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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