he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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