My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
