Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
