just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
