I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
