my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
