How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
